11th grade – Ava's Journal Entries

January 30, 2010

I hate my mom so fucking much. She didn’t let me stay at Katie’s tonight because she just didn’t want me to? She didn’t really give me a legit reason. And I cried pretty much all day because of her, she didn’t like my pink dress I wore, said it showed too much cleavage and made me look like a slut. She got mad at me because I drove the car to Kayla’s to pick up my boots. And she’s still pissed at me for last night because when I got home from work instead of saying “hi” first to both of my parents I said, “I’m staying the night at Delia’s” (Because my plans with Alex fell through) so she drove me over there – drove slow as fuck!!! We stopped at kwik trip so I could get a little food and she made me put in my last $3 for gas because it was on empty. I slammed the door because I was mad so she yelled at me for that. I thought this weekend would be fun. But it turned out to be fucking disaster.

I FUCKING HATE HER!!!

Present day me: I remember this time. It was very stressful and one of the worst memories I have with my mom from that age. I’m glad I have a journal entry to acknowledge the behaviors I was exposed to.

January 27, 2010

Despite everything I am actually in an okay mood. Had a pretty good day at school. Lunch is different. We have more people. Winter carnival should be fun. And yeah. I talked to Alex Young today after school. We’re going to have lunch together tomorrow and catch up. It was good to talk to her again. We have so many memories, so many things I want to talk to her about. I miss that, I kind of grew up with her. It’s good to reunite, so yeah. I’m hoping for a good semester and an even better summer 😊 that’s about it for now. More later. Oh wait, I rearranged my room today too and wrote quotes and inside jokes on my white board. I’m just cheery. And I’m getting a parking permit tomorrow! Yay!

❤ Ava Estelle

Present day me: Such a filler entry. Just jotting stuff down to keep track and rejoice in my positive mood despite being “grounded.”

January 25, 2010

Monday

Children Of The Sun ❤ – Billy Thorpe ❤

No school today. Hell day.

Mom didn’t let me drive anywhere. I sat at home and did nothing. Delia picked me up and we went to perkins and talked about everything. That was good that helped me a lot. I went to work, talked to Derek, he understood. We’re gong to keep in touch. So yeah. I just have to talk to dad so he’s not mad a mom for “being a bitch” to me. So yeah.

G’night.

Present day me: I don’t remember how my dad felt about this situation I was in with my mom. They weren’t and aren’t very good communicators so it probably just blew over and other things happened.

January 23, 2010 (2)

Same day: January 23, 2010

Mom found out. I got caught.

She figured out EVERYTHING!

She took away my phone and ipod. She didn’t freak out, which was good. We had a loooooong talk. She just wants what’s best for me….duh. whatever. It had to come sooner of later. She says Derek is just using me, and he doesn’t care about me, and he played the game right by giving me time to be ready to have sex with him. I want to talk to him about it, but I don’t want him to be like, “she’s right” ugh! But one good thing is she’s not going to tell dad. So, he just thinks that I got my things taken away because of my attitude and grades. So that’s about it. I’m exhausted. Went to work, talked with everyone there, yeah. I’m working with Derek on Monday and am going to talk to him about it. That’s it. Church tomorrow and then work.

Bye!

Present day me: I remember getting my things taken away and feeling so sad for myself and worried what else could happen. I knew I wasn’t making bad choices, I was just not telling my mom the truth about who I was with and what I was doing. Like all teenagers do.

January 23, 2010

NSFW entry!

Morning of

Yesterday: last day of finals! I think I did pretty good on all of them. I ate lunch with Tabitha, Rhonda and Delia at noodles. After school I went to Starbucks with Delia for a while, we just talked. I went to work from 5 til close. Worked with Derek, Aimee, Mildred and Paul. We got out right on time.

I went over to Delia’s for 2 hours, we picked up a pizza from Green Mill and saw Grace and Maddie. At midnight I went over to Derek’s place. It was good to hang out with him again. We didn’t have sex because he couldn’t find any at the gas stations. I told him to try wal-mart. We kissed, pretty much got it on as soon as I got there. Hand job, fingered me. We went to sleep around 2:30 I think. Got up at 5 then went back to sleep til like 8. It wasn’t as good as the first time. And it kind of hurt a little down there because I think I have a yeast infection. My discharge is really heavy and sweet smelling. We didn’t use the pen, or really did anything new. He massaged my neck, that was nice. So I came home and am now resting because I have to work later.

More later.

❤ Ava Estelle

Present day me: I don’t have many thoughts about this entry other than hm, cool day in the life…

January 15, 2010

Cabin.

Been a long week.

Monday – first day back at school, was okay.

Tuesday – first time back at work, had to go to a two hour meeting about “supermarket” gave Aimee, Georgia, and Catherine hugs. After the meeting Aimee and I did a little shopping, I bought a new belt, shirt and pants. We were going to go out for dinner but mom made me come home.

Wednesday – back at work, with Derek. Couldn’t take break with him because he made me guard the door.

Thursday – closed with Gil and Catherine. It was good to hang with them.

Today – worked with Aimee, Mildred, Eric and Mark. It was fun. Derek got done at 7 and that was my break. He walked in and called me sexy and we hugged. We complained about not wanting to be at work and he said he’s rather be in bed with me. That actually made me feel good. I miss him. I want to hang out with him. Not as bad as I thought, but bad. so yeah. Tonight after we closed I hung out with Eric. I was punching him and Aimee and him made an Ava sandwich. He gave me a piggy back ride to the back to get a hanger and I cracked his back by walking on it. I punched his abs and told him that’s hot. Yeah, it was fun. I miss working with him. I could like him, maybe, more than a friend. Well, that’s all for now. Bye!

❤ Ava Estelle

Present day me: This made me remember the good times I had with the people I met at my first job. It was such a good experience to make friends who helped me learn more about the city I grew up in. I remember being a little nervous to come back to work after being gone for a week on vacation. It was an adjustment but I learned that a week really ISNT that long of a time.

January 10, 2010

I’m home! I have my phone, car, SkinID (I started today), kitties, room, bed, back! I miss the city too much. I met Delia at Starbucks and we talked for 2 and a half hours. Hehe. It was good. I called Rhonda too. Sounds like I didn’t miss much. I texted Derek today we might hang out on Friday. Hopefully it won’t be raining in Ecuador. Ugh! I’m peeling so bad. it’s gross. And I don’t really have much else to write. I’m SO happy to be home!!

❤ Ava Estelle

January 8, 2010

Morning of

We’re going home tomorrow!!!

Wednesday we all went on a city tour. We stopped at a chapel, jewelry store, lunch and the local market. It was fun to get out of the hotel finally. On our way back me, Meryl, Mom, Opa, Aunt Blanche, Uncle Pat stopped at the mega store, like a wal-mart and got groceries. All 6 of us fit in a taxi for the way back to the hotel. Yesterday we all stayed at the hotel again. Me, Meryl and Eddie hung out in our hotel room, talked, made crazy videos and avoided the family. And I read Vampire Diaries and did my algebra homework. Please let this day go by fast. I really really want to go home. I’ll write more later I’m going to peel my skin.

❤ Ava Estelle

January 5, 2010

This vacation hasn’t been very good. I woke up this morning thinking I was home, same thing happened yesterday morning. For a split second each morning I’m happy and then reality sets in. it’s like 2 in the afternoon. We’ve hung out at the hotel for 3 fucking days straight. I hate it here. Last night was a beach party, we all went, Eddie and Meryl got bored so they left at different times without saying where they were going. I went back and forth if I should leave or not. Oma came over to me and we talked for a little bit about college and other stuff. So I didn’t order anything and almost everyone asked me if I’d ordered 3 times. This whole family is retarded. I don’t feel comfortable with them. I want to go home and have my life back. This morning mom and I took the trolley to the sun market. It was kind of nice to just be with her. We talked about this vacation and college and how I’m always gone from home doing stuff. Yes, I like my life. School pretty much sucks but whatever. I can deal with that I guess. And there have been a few realizations I’ve made. Jimmy has the same lips as Justin Timberlake. ❤ hehe. I’ve had two dreams about Derek since I’ve been here and it was a week ago today – tonight 😊 hehe. I miss him, I wonder if he’s missing me. I want to talk to him about stuff. But I don’t want to sound clingy.

I miss my phone. I want to check my facebook. I really really miss Delia. There have been so many little things that have happened that remind me of her. I miss Dad and the cats. Why does my handwriting suck so bad? Ugh. I have to pee.

Okay, I’m back. New color. I have nothing else to do so I’m going to keep writing. Hmm.. I’m listening to the Bloodhound gang. They’re so funny! I never wrote in here – I found out at Katie’s on new year’s that Brandon and Jenny are going out. I’m going to slap her. Whatever though.

Katie’s was actually fun. We played poker. Delia and I were a team and won two hands – that was cool, against the german. He is good looking and funny. I really miss my friends. Ugh! Well I’mma find something to do.

❤ Ava Estelle

January 3, 2010

We arrived in Acapulco, Mexico yesterday. Check in was long and confusing as usual. We had to wait for an hour until our room was ready. We ate food, hung out, got our room, changed, swam, hung out more, zombie’d around. Whatever. Went to bed. Woke up this morning, and went to the beach. Mom, Meryl and I rode horses on the beach. That was cool. The waves and ocean are marvelous. Eddie and I went in the ocean. Meryl was too scared. I saw a stingray. That was freaky. I read a little and just sat out on the beach. I really want to go home. I just go tout of a cold shower, I’m really really burned. But I like it. Now I’m on the balcony just chillen out, I have to go and get another room key because I lost mine. Soooo yeah. This whole vacation is lame. I had a dream last night that I went back home but didn’t have to go to school and dad was gone. So I had nothing to do. It was weird. So now I’m not sure what I’m going to do. Read? Tv? Music? I need internet access dammit. Ugh! I miss dad, Delia, Tabitha, Rhonda, everyone from work. Ugh. Whatever. I’ll live. Have to make the best out of every situation. More latah!

❤ Ava Estelle

I’ll be 18 in 8 months!!! 😊