November 29, 2009

November 29, 2009

Sunday

Shit. Fuck. Retarded. Ugh! Damn it. Laaaaame!

Friday: went to Delia’s at 4:30am. Mom and dad made me stay at the lake and drive into town early in the morning. So, I picked up Delia and Andrea. We went just to Target because it was so busy! I parked at Goodwill. I bought two seasons of House and new earrings. I took those two home, came home, showered, went to the bank – took out $350!! And bought a new ipod! Came home. Synced it. Went to New Moon with Delia and Rhonda. It was pretty good the second time. Came home, went to work. Saw Derek. We had break together. He was all over me again. We texted after we closed, and we said how excited we were to hang out tonight. I came home after work and kept pleading with him to come over and then I hear a car door shut. Mom came home. I texted him DON’T COME! And that was the last thing. Mom took away my phone again for “lying” to her. I was going to go to Paula’s house but got out of work late and was exhausted, so I came home. So yeah. I’m screwed again. Saturday, I went to work from one til close. Long shift. Went to Delia’s after and stayed over. We watched Sonny with a Chance and talked about a bunch of stuff. Woke up this morning, came home, went to work from noon til 6:30 and am now home. Ugh. I’m sick of working. I have to go tomorrow too; Derek won’t be there. I really want to see him and tell him he’s not in trouble. Just I am. So that’s all for now. Bye!

Ava Estelle

Present day me: I remember being so busy and worried about my mom busting me for doing nothing. Like, I get punished for coming home after getting out of work late and not going to my friends house like I had told her? Sure, I could have called her to let her know the change but at that time I didn’t see the point. Instead she worried herself and thought the worst of me and took away my phone anyway. Well, that keeps her from getting in touch with me when I’m still going to work and school and seeing my friends from school….

September 9, 2009

September 9, 2009

Wednesday

I’m fucking screwed again.

Mom and dad found out I was with Derek on Saturday night. God fucking damnit! So I’m in deeper shit and can’t go anywhere and probably have to wait longer to get my car back. Mom hasn’t gotten home yet so it’s just a matter of time until I get my ass chewed again. UGH! I hate this. And Derek isn’t texting me back – he just did and said okay. Nothing more to say. I just hope to God I can keep my job.

PLEASE LORD!!!

I know I’ve lost my parents’ trust and gotten the car taken away. Please just let me keep my job. I won’t hang out with Derek or anyone else. I will stay with my friends and people from my school. Please please please please. And it’d be great if I could go to Kayla’s party. But I doubt it.

Bad night.

Ava Estelle

Present day me: I remember this time very well and learning that my mom especially had issues and was extremely judgmental about the people who worked at my job. She required me to get a job when I was 16 but then judged who I worked with and took any opportunity she could to control me and who I spent time with. It was like she couldn’t trust me to learn on my own and tried to keep me within this invisible box.

August 22, 2009 (2)

August 22, 2009

Later the same day.

In major deep shit.

Mom and dad came to work and found Kyle waiting for me in my car. Dad told him to get out and he can’t date me and stay away from me. Kyle called his mom to pick him up and mom told her I’m not allowed at his house. I came out of work happy and excited and was greeted by that. Mom and dad standing there pissed off. I can’t drive my car until I find a new job, or until Kyle is done with community service. Then they might negotiate. So, I texted a few people and chatted with Kyle on myspace when I got home. He said it’ll be too hard to see me at work and get over me, so he might just go to jail for 8 days. So yeah. I feel like my parents are being really judgmental. But he wouldn’t of gotten along with my friends – they wouldn’t of liked him. So yeah. I really really want to hang out with my friends though. So bad right now. So yeah. Let’s hope my parents don’t make me cancel my birthday party. I talked with Brandon, Garrett, and Cathy on facebook. I feel sad and bad and guilty. But it was fun while it lasted. My second relationship of the summer only lasted for almost 24 hours. Ugh!

I hate this. G’night

Ava Estelle

Present day me: My parents were skeptical about me wanting to just be friends with Kyle so when I told them I was going to night games that night they came to my work to try and bust me in the act. They found Kyle in my car before I got out of work so they were alarmed and then made the decision to force him away from me. In retrospect it was a good move but at the time I was really frustrated and mad.