texting – Ava's Journal Entries

November 29, 2009

Sunday

Shit. Fuck. Retarded. Ugh! Damn it. Laaaaame!

Friday: went to Delia’s at 4:30am. Mom and dad made me stay at the lake and drive into town early in the morning. So, I picked up Delia and Andrea. We went just to Target because it was so busy! I parked at Goodwill. I bought two seasons of House and new earrings. I took those two home, came home, showered, went to the bank – took out $350!! And bought a new ipod! Came home. Synced it. Went to New Moon with Delia and Rhonda. It was pretty good the second time. Came home, went to work. Saw Derek. We had break together. He was all over me again. We texted after we closed, and we said how excited we were to hang out tonight. I came home after work and kept pleading with him to come over and then I hear a car door shut. Mom came home. I texted him DON’T COME! And that was the last thing. Mom took away my phone again for “lying” to her. I was going to go to Paula’s house but got out of work late and was exhausted, so I came home. So yeah. I’m screwed again. Saturday, I went to work from one til close. Long shift. Went to Delia’s after and stayed over. We watched Sonny with a Chance and talked about a bunch of stuff. Woke up this morning, came home, went to work from noon til 6:30 and am now home. Ugh. I’m sick of working. I have to go tomorrow too; Derek won’t be there. I really want to see him and tell him he’s not in trouble. Just I am. So that’s all for now. Bye!

Ava Estelle

Present day me: I remember being so busy and worried about my mom busting me for doing nothing. Like, I get punished for coming home after getting out of work late and not going to my friends house like I had told her? Sure, I could have called her to let her know the change but at that time I didn’t see the point. Instead she worried herself and thought the worst of me and took away my phone anyway. Well, that keeps her from getting in touch with me when I’m still going to work and school and seeing my friends from school….

November 15, 2009

Sunday

Friday – went shopping with Delia after school for Andrea’s present. We got her slipper socks and cute Christmas shorts. It was fun to hang out with her. We talked about dirty songs and how we should write a song with all our inside jokes and title it “I’m a crack whore, want to have sex with me?” 😊 after that we both had stuff to do. I picked up Eddie from basketball practice at 6 with Meryl and we went up to a restaurant near the cabin to meet mom and dad. I might be having a Christmas party on the 19^th! The cute waiter was there and I’m pretty sure he saw me. I almost hit him with a fry when I flicked it at Meryl but it went too far. We rented movies but only watched one: Ghosts of Girlfriends Past. It was really good.

I got up Saturday, went to work til 5 then went over to Andrea’s birthday party. I hung out with Rhonda mostly. I took her there and home. It was good to re-connect with her. Delia came late, so it was us three and Gwen. We just sat behind the couch and talked. We left at 11 and I stayed at Delia’s house. We rented Zack and Miri Make a Porno. Funniest movie ever!! We stayed up til 3. When we rented it we think the guy let us and didn’t ask for ID because we were really hyper and seemed kind of drunk.

I woke up this morning at 7:30 and came home to an empty house. Did my homework and chilled out. I almost hung out with Derek last night but he cancelled last minute because of “family obligations” whatever. I think I’m done hanging with him for a while. Him and I can take a break. I should go back to my old self, start scrapbooking again, hang with my friends and just be me instead of trying to hang with him every weekend. Because I did hang out with him the last two and this last time was so amazing I think we can just take a break. And it will probably be awkward at work, oh well. I’ll see if he really is sorry or if he lied. So I guess that’s it for now. Ttyl!

❤ Ava Estelle

10:11pm

So went to work, saw Derek. And after work I texted him saying we should take a break, don’t really have a reason. But I’ll just see him at work and not hang wit him for a while. He wasn’t lying, he was drinking and then his mom hurt herself somehow, so yeah. And besides he’ll talk to me more at work if he doesn’t see me outside of work. And that’d be nice. Watch I’ll probably change my mind next weekend.

TTFN!

Present day me: I remember watching the Zack and Miri movie but not much else from this entry. It’s still interesting to revisit these times and see how I’ve changed over the years.

October 8, 2009

Thursday

NSFW entry!

Great day! Didn’t have school!

I had to work last night, so after work I came up to the cabin and texted with Derek until I went to sleep. This morning I told mom I was being picked up by Delia at 11, so I took Meryl home and then went over to Derek’s. He went above my underwear and when I first got there, I was freezing, so we went under his blankets and warmed up. I gave him a hand job of course and we kissed and caressed, and I warmed up quick. I ended up getting really into it and scratched him right in the middle above his abs. It only lasted for like 45 minutes. I wanted to keep going but every time after he cums, he’s done, and we clean up. So, I hung out at his house for a little while longer and then walked home. Delia picked me up and we went to the store to get discount movie tickets. Then stopped at Starbucks for her and Wendy’s for me. She took me home and I hung out there until 4:30 because I had to pick up Brad, Devin and Rhonda to go to Zombieland! It was us three, Delia, Craig, Brandon, Harry, and Garrett. It was a pretty good movie, I liked it. Us three girls went out to eat afterwards. I took Rhonda home. I told her about Derek, she’s the only one who knows. And Meryl, but I completely trust her. Then came home, packed, picked up Meryl and the cats and came back up to the lake. Aaron was having a bonfire and called me to invite us but instead we hung out in the street, Eddie threw an ice cube at the cars, and I guess made a dent, but whatever. That’s it! G’night!

❤ Ava Estelle

Present day me: I remember seeing Zombieland with everyone and having a great time. Also, having more fun with Derek is a little cringe to revisit but still helpful in looking back on my past.

September 9, 2009

Wednesday

I’m fucking screwed again.

Mom and dad found out I was with Derek on Saturday night. God fucking damnit! So I’m in deeper shit and can’t go anywhere and probably have to wait longer to get my car back. Mom hasn’t gotten home yet so it’s just a matter of time until I get my ass chewed again. UGH! I hate this. And Derek isn’t texting me back – he just did and said okay. Nothing more to say. I just hope to God I can keep my job.

PLEASE LORD!!!

I know I’ve lost my parents’ trust and gotten the car taken away. Please just let me keep my job. I won’t hang out with Derek or anyone else. I will stay with my friends and people from my school. Please please please please. And it’d be great if I could go to Kayla’s party. But I doubt it.

Bad night.

Ava Estelle

Present day me: I remember this time very well and learning that my mom especially had issues and was extremely judgmental about the people who worked at my job. She required me to get a job when I was 16 but then judged who I worked with and took any opportunity she could to control me and who I spent time with. It was like she couldn’t trust me to learn on my own and tried to keep me within this invisible box.

August 16, 2009

Sunday 12:30pm

Yesterday I came back into town and went to Delia’s house then met up with Paula, Devin, Brad, Harry and Craig at the soccer park. We just hung out for a while and then went to Sonic for some ice cream. It was a lot of fun to hang out with them again. Then I drove back to the soccer park with Harry, Brad and Devin while Craig went with Delia. It was fun to be in a car with three guys. Even though Harry tickled me from the side and Brad got me from behind. We did donuts in the parking lot and then I switched cars and got into Delia’s. We went back to her house, and I stayed the night. Eric called me on our way back to her house asking if I’d want to go on a walk with him and Taylor, yeah, I decided not to. Then Taylor texted me asking if I had a crush on Eric, I don’t and I asked her if he had a crush on me and he doesn’t. Just friends – easy. And this morning Devin texted me what I think of him – er how attractive he is. I answered and told him he ranked 8.5 on a scale 1-10. I asked the same question and he answered, “Your eyes are absolutely beautiful, and your hair is also very nice. Your short and that’s good because guys like girls who are shorter than they are, and you’re not a stick which is a plus because contrary to what most girls think guys don’t like girls who are skinny. We like them normal. You’re very nice and you flirt which isn’t a bad thing, you like to be with friends and like to keep things fun. Overall, I’d say you’re very attractive about an 8.75.” So yeah, that took up four texts and made me smile. And that’s about it. I better cover a new journal now. Yay! Another one filled up. 😊

MUCH LOVE TO THE FUTURE ME! <- That’s kind of weird to think about.

❤ Ava Estelle

Present day me: I think I was in my prime and had so many different people around me boosting my self confidence.

July 16, 2009

Thursday

Last night: texted with Derek.

We asked each other questions. I asked him what he thinks of me and he said, “I think you’re an intelligent, funny, beautiful young woman who’ll make a man happy someday.” I answered the same question for him and then I asked him if he liked me…more than a friend, he said, “Truth be told…yes…but you like Hunter so I know I’ve got no chance.” So that was my night. Today I talked with Rhonda on the phone and went to work and saw Hunter for like two seconds. I closed with Hilly, Gil, Sabrina, Mildred and Ethel. We actually got out on time! Gil and I were flirting after we closed, and he was kind of following me around the store. Hilly was teasing me saying there was a romance happening. Yeah right. So yeah. Came home, called Hunter on my way home. We might hang out on Sunday, depends on when we get back home from the cities. I don’t really want to go, but oh well. I guess I’ll keep texting Derek and try to get on the computer.

❤ Ava Estelle

Present day me: I remember getting that text from Derek and feeling excited but also realizing that my relationship with Hunter was kind of lacking in communication and chemistry…

July 14, 2009

Tuesday

Today – Delia’s last day before she goes to Belgium tomorrow. So, her, I, Brad, Garrett and Craig went to the soccer park. Then we went to Harry’s with Garrett and then Brandon’s. We ate at Red Robin and on the way to her house Hunter called me. I called him back when I got back home around 9:30. We talked for about an hour and now I’m just texting with people. Have to work tomorrow. And not really in the mood to write much. So g’night.

❤ Ava Estelle

Present day me: I’m really glad I could still hang out with my high school friends while I was making new friends at work.

June 13, 2009

Saturday

Went to work – Hunter was there 😊

We had our lunch break together 😊 and I talked to him! 😊

I asked him if he works tomorrow and what time he works til today. He seemed kind of surprised that I walked to him, but I think that was good. At least I’m hoping. He doesn’t work tomorrow but that’s okay.

After work mom made me come up to the cabin and after I did the dishes and walked down the street to check facebook and Aaron drove past, he stopped and we talked for a bit. I told him I got a job and he gave me his cell number, so yeah. I texted him to see if I got the number right but he hasn’t texted me back so I don’t know. I just hope things move along with this Hunter fella. Hopefully, or else I meet someone….?

A both Rhonda and Delia are going out of town this whole week. ☹ who am I going to hang out with? I guess I could call Tabitha, I haven’t hung out with her in a while. Well I have to leave here at 8am so, g’night!

❤ Ava Estelle

Present day me: At this point the cabin didn’t have internet so I had to find free wifi down the street with my ipod touch. I also remember not being as close with Tabitha at this point as we were in middle school. Also, being around guys who I used to crush on and then just feel platonic about was kind of cool for 16 year old me.

April 8, 2009

So last night I talked to Devin about Ferrari. He asked me if Brandon has talked to me yet. I said not yet…why? Devin said because Brandon just wants to talk to me about it instead of having Devin or anyone else in the middle. So, hearing this I get excited. I’m like so, do you think he likes me? He said, “I think he might, he’s just thinking about it and going to talk to you about it.” So, I went to bed last night thinking that he’ll be talking to me today. He didn’t. And he wasn’t online tonight either. I’m getting frustrated and almost like un-hopeful. I know I’m just over thinking it and overreacting. He’ll talk to me when he’s ready and it’ll hopefully be good. Man, if he says he doesn’t want to go out with me yeah, I’ll be crushed but I hope it won’t be awkward between us….? Who knows. Maybe we’ll go to the mall tomorrow night and hang out. I hope so. It’d be a lot of fun to hang out with him. I guess that’s it for now. I’ll go to bed. G’night.

❤ Ava Estelle

Present day me: I feel like Brandon really took his time with communicating how he felt about me. I remember asking his friends all the time about him because they all had cell phones and Brandon didn’t! I could only talk to him on AIM or call his home phone.

April 5, 2009

Sunday!

Another weekend gone by. Kind of a boring one. But didn’t have to go to the cabin! Yay! On Friday night (since I didn’t have any plans) Hannah and I went out. I drove and we went to Michael’s, Cold stone and the mall. It was good to just hang out with it just being the two of us. We went in the photo booth three times and to wet seal and tried on clothes. The whole time I was texting with Harry and Brad trying to get the low-down on where Brandon was hanging out that night. Turns out it was at Greg’s house. If it was someone’s house where I knew where they lived, then Hannah and I probably would of went over and crashed their party. But instead we hung out at the mall and I drove her home and we blasted music and rolled down the windows. And then on Saturday all 5 of us, my family, went to Aunt Brenda and Uncle Bill’s house for their son’s first birthday party. It was pretty boring. And today Meryl, Mom and I went to the mall and shopped. I handed in my applications and got new t-shirts. I had tried on a really hot dress at Yonkers and I put a picture of it on facebook and Brandon loves it. Hehe. I loved that dress too. But couldn’t buy it. Too bad. Maybe he will have a dream with me in it wearing the dress. 😊 hehe. Well I’m going to keep trying to get answers out of Devin.

G’night<3

Present day me: It’s comforting to read entries like this, just a regular weekend spent with friends and family.